What on earth is she talking about this time you may ask while reading the byline….well it is all of these things and more. What an intense couple of weeks, not to mention this last week.
I finished the month of September (9 for completion) with endings of many sorts…actually not so much endings as realizations on many levels but the minor details are not important right now. What I will say is of course, the common denominator is me and how I act/react to the scenarios presented.
As my last house sitting experience was coming to an end I put out the request to the universe ” I would like the perfect place to live and create to come to me, all past requests are still in tack and this time I am asking to include “walls and a roof”….I failed to put that clearly into the last request and ended up camping on Mt Shasta and at Castle Lake for 7 weeks….which is fine in the summer but the first frosts have come this direction and that won’t do now!
That being said a place did present itself to me through a friend. It seemed perfect. Small, on my own, convenient, affordable- a great place to call a base. Seemed good for the next week or so and then last Friday I met with the landlord and the message was very clear to me…this is not where you are to be! I left there feeling disappointed and accepting. Just to confirm that I got the message, about fifteen minutes later another scene played out in the local health food store which in essence was showing me to move out. (I won’t go into details for privacy reasons) Then to make sure that I really did get the message not fifteen minutes or so later a truck comes barreling along the outside lane as I turned a corner…just the velocity sent the feeling of being pushed out of the way. Of course the driver meant me no harm but it was the spirit energy that was to get my attention, and it did!
OK, I get it, I’m to leave Mt Shasta yet on good terms in all ways with all relationships.
That being said I will now go back to the previous Wednesday when having lunch with a “new friend” another REALLY POWERFUL message was given. I met this woman during my ayahuasca journey in the summer. She was one of the facilitators and I liked her right off. I also found out she had produced her own “one woman show” in the late 90’s and she shared her experiences with me. The other part I had not put together was that now she also led relationship classes, so as you can see “spirit had certainly stacked the deck to make sure I got the message, whatever that may be!
Our polite, fun, admiring and creative dialogue somehow shifted and I felt my issues coming up when she talked about her powerful and wonderful personal relationship…she picked up on me and then sitting back as though not wanting to be in my space said “wow, you are one pissed off woman!” To which my response was “you are right!” It didn’t matter what I said in defense, response or explanation…it was coming out wrong and made me look even worst..at least in my eyes.
She couldn’t wait to get out of there! I went to my car, then decided to get a cup of coffee and a brownie (chocolate always helps) and go to Lithia Park. Arriving at the park to my surprise was a small group of people doing contact improv dance…..wow! I watch for a while and then ask about where they do it on a regular basis. Before actually hitting the park I went by the Shakespeare booking office only to find out that at that exact moment “Hamlet” was being performed in the theater right on the park border…..so what you ask!
Leaning against a tree, note book in hand and watching the dancers I feel the need to write. It starts out slow and stilted and then the words being to flow as though I am having a conversation with the writer in another dimension…..the title written on the page was “Acknowledge the Locked and Blocked Heart of the Past”. I will leave out parts for other’s privacy…yet as I was to realize so fast the true depth of this whole situation stretched back in time to the late 1700s and even further back than that, through the lineage of pained women in my birth family.
“I have betrayed myself as not worthy, unlovable and put up so many barriers to love I can’t even see a glimpse of the innocent one who came into this world.
Oh to be a vulnerable vessel so filled with space no degree of love and blessings can be turned away.
Space so filled with high light and life and love that joy abounds as the overflowing waters of rivers and streams burst forth their banks with life force blessed.
I am the water flowing so freely, flowing beyond the confines of banks of pre-measured source showing only lack
You are the full bounty of love ecstatic rising from the source of true beginnings
Your beauty soft and gentle, soul touches you with the breath and whispers..transcend the pain to radiance pure…the touch you long for and is there..it is you awaiting in the shadow…always has been awaiting in the shadow..
Remember the shine and smiles of the first meeting when light and light joined force as one
You are the one of pure force and so are all ones so encountered
Light force pure and blessing within, fear not the rejections, do not see as such to prove at times are just a miss of truth – words not spoken for fear to know the loss and charge..
Cry no more your tears are naught to serve no one lest fall to water rose and earth
As you see the lover’s face and smile and smile to be at peace…the times of past are such no more as lovers lost and death to end
No more! No more! As light sparkles forth from within you sing the gypsy song and minstrel bards….breath of life, breath of life, breath of life…expand and sore!”
It was on contemplation of these words along with the changes in some of the script for Act 1 in my Life Theatre performance of Two Suitcases, have I grasped the full meaning of the relationship, how it played out over the course of my stay in Mt Shasta, of the intimate and emotional baggage I have carried from both my parents and most significantly, the corresponding chapters of Soul Essence Memory I have carried and now wish to release and clear.
For many years in my work as an Intuitive, Energy and Vibration Practitioner and other titles given, I have known and tried to explain (both successfully and not) that one’s Soul Essence Memory is a/the driving force of life, and now it is only through my own personal life journeys am I getting validation of such….and I know there is so much more the higher Divine realms are wishing to shared with us….but not before we understand the baby steps of the new times.
There is so much more I could share right now, however, I need to do more processing before doing so.
Where am I heading next….to the vineyards to harvest grapes, bring the Goddess energy of distance times past when Pamela, the vintner, Therese and I once shared ritual of harvesting the elixir of the Gods and the Mother….the rest is unknown yet now I stay open to love, life, beauty, creativity, joy and rebirth!
Coming full spiral verses coming full circle……the spiral never repeats itself, keeps flowing, evolving in possibilities up or down. Whereas the circle would keep repeating itself over and over again…..I choose the former…..what is your choice?
As we all wait in anticipation……..
The first photo you see was during “my blond” years in the early 90s. Taken with Zodiac, a Florida Panther. For some unknown as yet reason, he wishes to be seen tonight in this message.
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